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Relationships > Living Together Before Marriage
 Posted by write2serve
Dec 13, 2006 07:09 PM
Living Together Before Marriage
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Although the decision to live together or not before marriage is no longer dictated by one's religion (some Catholics, for instance, do not believe in co-habiting or having sex before marriage), sharing living quarters is not a decision that can be made overnight. Younger people these days value their freedom and independence, and have learned from the sad experiences of their friends who lived together before marriage only to break up because of irreconcilable differences. It's hard to predict the outcome of such a decision. For others, it was just what they needed. For others, it could turn out to be the most serious mistake they have ever made.
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It’s a recipe for disaster
living together before marriage not only violates the whole institution of marriage, but also the morals that has been set into this world. Living together before marriage brings more harm then good. what if you say that living together shows the commitment that the pair has but then ending up with a separation. if the in a normal couple, by that i mean a man and a women, the women all the sudden gets pregnant and leaving the man not willing to commit because he didn’t 'sign up for this mess.’ what then?
Can u honestly say that all the negative outcome the couple in question will do the responsible thing ladies and gentlemen? with that i find living together before marriage is unethical and unmoral. thank you
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It makes breaking up very difficult.
Going from living together to going your seperate ways can be very difficult. It takes a lot of planning and money and creates very ackward situations. Thus, couples who live together tend to stay together even when the relationship is flawed and sours, often due to such trivial things as finances and not enough to move out and find a new place.
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It raises the quesiton - when will the next step come?
Romantic interaction between two people is always about "When will the next step be taken?". For example, once someone gets a phone number, the question is "When will that person call?". When two people start dating, the question is "When will they have sex?". "When will they become exclusive?" "When will they move in together?" "When will they get engaged?" "When will they have a kid?" "When will they have another kid?" etc.
Answering each of those questions (by actually doing it) brings up the next question.
So, if you are happy with your current situation, taking the next step encourages the step that follows it.
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Familiarity breeds contempt
“I can’t take it anymore. I know her inside out. I preferred it when I hardly knew her. Now the mystery is gone and my love is fading.” That’s what happens when two people share not only a toothbrush but their whole life. While sharing is a noble and beautiful thing – gee whiz – what it can do to the psyche of each spouse! Have you ever heard of the saying, “you tend to hurt the person you love most?” Some people thrive in mystery. For them it’s a challenge to try to ensnare the opposite sex, but once captured, the interest dissipates. Perhaps the only way to keep the flames of love burning is to enjoy your own fireplace – in your own house.
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Does not put any pressure to try harder to please the other
When one gets accustomed to the constant presence of a loved one, one tends to take certain things for granted. Remember how you used to enjoy taking her out for a fancy dinner during payday or treat her to a sold out concert and feel proud that you were ahead of the pack in lining up for tickets? You live with her now and she’s a great cook – lessons learned from a long tradition of Italian cooking – and she plays the piano like Liberace – what’s the point of going out for dinner and taking in a concert together? If you stop giving her the royal treatment altogether, you may wake up one morning to an empty bed. And to opening a can of tuna for dinner.
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Arguments and disagreements can be more frequent
Okay – he leaves his dirty clothes in the living room and in the kitchen. Are you living with a schoolboy or a 30-something male? She forgot to pay the bill again and always leaves the lights on. Are you living with someone who’s suffering from dementia? When two people get used to each other, respect and consideration are two things that fly out the window. Sure, fighting is healthy between two couples, but if they’re fighting as frequently as they brush their teeth, the psychological fatigue sets in.
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Smugness – “we live together, why bother getting married?”
Oh sure, why bother at all? If you really think that marriage is only a piece of paper, think again. Whatever happened to the good old days? Marriage is still the best human tenderizer there is in modern civilization. We use all kinds of kitchen products to tenderize our meat and spice up our salads. Why should it be any different for human beings? Taking the relationship to the next level – i.e. marriage – reinforces the love between two people. Love makes the world go round, but it’s marriage that makes a stable world.
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Pressure from parents and other relatives to “formalize” the living arrangement
Social pressures are omnipresent so why fight them? When you’ve lived together all this time without any announcements of a wedding, you’re bound to raise the antennas of those you love. Family members don’t mean to pry; sometimes in their concern for your future, they tend to put their noses into everything. “When are those two ever going to make up their minds?” is just one of them. You might as well get used to all this questioning. And when you do finally tie the knot, be prepared for the next question, “when are you going to make us proud grandparents?”
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