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Relationships > Keeping Separate Bank Accounts
 Posted by write2serve
Dec 11, 2006 07:08 PM
Keeping Separate Bank Accounts
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A friend once said, "We were arguing day in and day out about money and it was really eroding our relationship, so we decided to keep separate accounts. We're still fighting, but not as much anymore."
Keeping separate accounts could mean some degree of financial independence. There's more flexibility and it eliminates the bickering and the unsettling feeling that money is being spent unwisely. Most financial planners say that keeping separate accounts may be a solution but it may not necessarily be a permanent fix. The essential point to bear in mind is to discuss the issue together, choose an approach and stick with it.
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No unpleasant spending surprises
“Surprise, bought myself a Gucci bag!” Given the fact that there are mortgage and car payments to make and future children, the last thing any spouse wants is to have the other spouse come up with these surprises which can strain the partnershipor the marriage. When two people come together, each carries a whole baggage oforientations and values learned as a child and bring these to the partnership. Itrare to see two couples who have identical views on money. One’s spending habits usually are influenced by one’s parents and financial education. Pleasant surprises are always like a breath of fresh air, but the unpleasant ones can wreck havoc, especially if repeated too often. By keeping separate bank accounts, these surprises are avoided.
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Flexibility – no need to ask permission
Even the best of intentions can be derailed when there is no autonomy in spending. Separate bank accounts promotes flexibility and when a person works hard to earn a living, he or she would like full flexibility in spending it without having to ask for the other spouse’s or partner’s approval. Money is a sensitive issue, and can cause marital discord. With the flexibility that comes with having one’s own bank account, obtaining clearance isn’t necessary.
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Individual credit rating is maintained
When one spouse or partner has built an excellent credit score, keeping a separate bank account helps maintain that score. A very good credit standing means that lenders look more kindly and more favorably to those whose finances are healthy. Imagine if the other spouse or partner defaults on certain payments, it is inevitable that the other person gets dragged into the mess. At least with a separate bank account, the credit score does not get diluted and the other’s default payments do not necessarily tarnish the other person’s financial reputation. Repairing a bad credit score can not happen overnight, and the consequences can be significant.
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Spender/saver: saver ends up bailing out spender
When one spouse loves to spend, knowing that the other has a separate bank account will act as an incentive for him/her to spend more because of the assurance that the other can always help out. “I spend my money, he doesn’t – so I can always borrow from him and pay him back.” Even if one does pay back the other, the repetitive habit can be irksome. No matter how much you love one another, your relationship can suffer a few setbacks when the “balance of payments” is not balanced and one always ends up helping the other.
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More control over income / capital preservation
When one spouse received an inheritance or managed to save substantially and has stock options and other cash assets, he or she will think twice about sharing any of these assets should the relationship turn sour. By keeping a separate bank account, the person with more substantial assets can protect his/her capital from the itchy hands of his partner/spouse. After all, this is a valuable gift from parents who worked hard in order to bequeath their savings to offspring. No one dares risk having those assets squandered by the other person in the relationship because of irresponsible money decisions.
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Too much autonomy over finances does not reflect total commitment
Marriage or relationship counselors argue that when two people are in a loving relationship, there must be total commitment of one to the other, even in money matters. When couples agree to keep separate bank accounts, it may diminish the fighting, but does not necessarily demonstrate true, selfless commitment. When there is too much financial independence – financial independence that could threaten the solidity of the relationship, one can always walk out of the relationship and not try to work harder at it.
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Individual Budget Styles are Followed
We all grew up in different ways. Our parents had spending habits that we either adopt or reject. For example, the “pay yourself first” principle is something that is taught to us by financial planners and which is a healthy practice. So twice a month when we receive our salary, we immediately stash away 10% of that income before we pay out bills and make necessary purchases. What if your spouse/partner has never practiced this before? There are bound to be frustrations and resentment when we’re prevented from structuring our own budgets.
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Closes the door to further financial discussions or strategizing
Making joint decisions over many aspects of the marriage or partnership tends to strengthen the relationship. By brainstorming together on financial issues – one of the key components that make a marriage successful – couples benefit from their respective strengths and abilities, and they help each other in areas where they are weak. For example, questions like how will the mortgage be paid and should it be an open or fixed mortgage are essential decisions. Keeping separate bank accounts leaves little opportunity to participate in the decision process.
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Gives rise to “mystery shopper” syndrome
Playing mysterious is fine when couples are courting and trying to seduce each other, but once settled in a stable one-on-one relationship, that mystery should give way to open, honest communication. When couples keep separate bank accounts, it forces them to guess what the other is doing with his/her money. Granted, as long as the other pays his share of the household expenses, then it shouldn’t be an issue. Or should it? After all, it’s always re-assuring to know that one’s spouse knows the meaning of intelligent spending versus irresponsible spending. After awhile, the mystery can be unbearable.
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May breed selfishness
Individualism is a survival tactic and encourages people to fend for themselves. In a marriage or partnership, however, an overdose of individualism can be a recipe for disaster. The “what is mine is mine” mindset does not bode well for generosity or the good Samaritan philosophy. Couples need to give each other emotional and physical support, but when that support is lacking because both spouses agreed to keep separate bank accounts, then there’s a void there that needs to be filled.
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