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Getting > Foreign-Born Spouse > CONs
 Posted by write2serve
Dec 13, 2006 07:11 PM
Foreign-Born Spouse
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That's the essence of this beautiful thing called love. It flickers at first and then bursts into a flame, uniting two people regardless of color, religion, race or social standing. Have you ever heard of the word exogamy? Wikipedia defines it as marrying outside of one's social group. It's a prevalent practice and Americans are probably one of the most tolerant people when it comes to inter-racial marriages. It isn't uncommon for an American to live happily ever after with a Chinese woman, or a British chap to take a Hindu woman to be his wife. In the US, there were approximately over 2.6 million inter-racial marriages, according to the US Census of 2000.
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| Process of adjustment may put stress on the marriage |
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| Diversity has its advantages but it can cause snags in the adjustment process. When two people fall in love and the initial phase ends and both have to live together as man and wife, cultural differences could make adjusting to the new life twice as difficult. Each spouse has his/her own beliefs and values, so when challenged, the union does not grow; instead misunderstandings and disagreements can stall or impede this progress. |
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| Educational achievements may be disparate |
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| One’s educational attainment can be radically different from that of your foreign spouse who was educated under a different system. Note that the American, British and French systems vary in certain aspects as far as levels and grading and degrees are concerned. Immigrants from other countries feel they’ve been let down by their host country when their diplomas or certificates are not accepted. This resentment intensifies when they can not land jobs they were trained for because their diplomas are worthless. When this happens, it could strain the relationship between husband and wife because of income disparities brought about by disparate educational levels. |
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| Language barrier may come into play |
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| You need truckloads of patience when your spouse is learning your language. It is particularly more difficult when your spouse grew up with a language that does not use the Roman alphabet, so it can be overwhelmingly frustrating when communication is impossible. We remember the story of our former French Canadian boss who married a Chinese girl straight from China. We always wondered why he had to run out of the office frequently after police officers called him. It turned out that his wife, who could not read French road signs, took the wrong turn or simply got lost on the major highways, unaware that there were some stop signs or school zone signs that she ignored! Naturally after it happened 6 or 7 times, our boss started showing signs of police fatigue. |
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| Foreign-born spouse may feel family discrimination or feel left out |
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| The foreign spouse who has started learning the language of his/her spouse may feel socially awkward and out of place with her in-laws. Or she could perceive some form of discrimination by the questions or statements uttered by her foreign family. Sometimes, when one has not traveled much or hasn’t had the opportunity of being exposed to different cultures, this lack can bring about closed-mindedness and what we say could be offensive to the other party. Spouses must help one another conquer these barriers and tear down the walls of cultural isolation. |
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| May give rise to serious cultural differences |
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| Being accustomed to one’s way of life makes it difficult to try another lifestyle. Inter-racial marriages are known to end up in the divorce courts because the cultural differences were too enormous to overcome, or one partner was not willing to accept the other’s quirks. The reason you were attracted to each other was precisely these differences, so why should they distract you, now that you’re married? Cultural differences are a wonderful opportunity to build a stronger character by teaching us how to be receptive and open. |
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